Gay man goes straight
Home / gay topics / Gay man goes straight
It’s a testament to the human spirit’s capacity for growth and authenticity. Correction - I attended a fundamentalist non-denominational Christian school. It wouldn’t bother me, in fact I have never even been approached. For Man #3, this meant exploring LGBTQ+ support groups and online LGBTQ+ communities. For him it was a friendly arrangement, finding it much easier and nicer to hook up with his gay friend than to pick up a strange woman at a bar.
This act of finding his echo provided a foundational sense of belonging that had been missing.
Connecting with Role Models and Shared Journeys
Within these communities, the narrative style shifted from personal reflection to active engagement. Sometimes things just happen, and it doesn’t have to mean anything.
It’s the exhausting work of maintaining a facade, not just for the world, but for oneself.
The Shattering Moment: When Denial Is No Longer an Option
For the wall of denial to crumble, there is often a pivotal moment or a series of events that makes the truth impossible to ignore.
"Once I let go of needing a fixed sexual identity, the need to conform to fixed gender roles just crumbled away too," Alex explains. Doesn’t do anything for me.
I think that there are “degrees of gayness” rather than a gay/not gay toggle.
Guys that experiment aren’t gay if they don’t think they are, I guess.
I can’t fathom the “convenience angle”, though I’m sure there are guys who “just have to fuck SOMEthing”…
Zenham12
Men don’t do it for me, never have.
Curiosity can be a powerful driving force, and when society really doesn’t try to stop you… well then why the hell not?
nevermore15
I’m a female, so I can’t be of much help to most of the question, but since you asked for thoughts on what experimenting signifies in terms of sexuality:
I think it’s very situational, and very dependent on the psychology of the “experimenter” at the time of experimentation.
This fear is compounded by the lifetime of internalized homophobia, which can fuel feelings of shame, grief, and regret.
The First Steps Out of the Silence
Before the formal coming out process can even be considered, there is a crucial, private phase of "coming in"—of acknowledging the truth to oneself.
The journey toward self-acceptance is not selfish; it is a profound act of integrity that, though challenging, allows for a more fulfilling life for all involved in the long run.
These challenging experiences, while isolating, also illuminate the universal need for connection and understanding, often leading individuals to seek solace and solidarity within new communities.
While Man #2 grappled with the complexities of his past marital life and family dynamics, Man #3 found a different kind of challenge, one rooted in a profound sense of isolation and the yearning for genuine connection.
From Solitude to Solidarity: Crafting a Tribe in the Digital Age
For many men who come out later in life, the initial euphoria of self-discovery can quickly be overshadowed by a jarring sense of being adrift.
Social stigma against “being gay” and the addition of Christian condemnation of all things sin added to my anxiety about what had happened and I always wondered “Was I gay?”, “What is wrong with me?”, etc. Through their unique voices, we hope to:
- Illuminate the diverse facets of this journey: From initial stirrings of curiosity to the challenges and triumphs of embracing a new identity.
- Highlight universal themes: Such as the struggle against societal expectations, the process of self-acceptance, and the courage required to live authentically.
- Foster understanding and compassion: For those undertaking similar journeys and for their loved ones.
It is our intention to honor the profound courage inherent in this self-acceptance journey, providing insights that resonate with many who might find themselves on a similar, often unspoken, path.
These are not typically overt, dramatic moments of attraction but subtle, easily dismissed inconsistencies.
- Intense Male Friendships: A profound emotional connection with a best friend that felt deeper or more significant than early romantic relationships with girls.
- Aesthetic Appreciation: A strong appreciation for the male form that was rationalized as purely artistic or academic, never sexual.
- Emotional Disconnect: A persistent feeling of "going through the motions" in heterosexual relationships, as if performing a role rather than living an authentic experience.
These feelings were often dismissed because societal heteronormativity provides a powerful default setting.
However, if a man admits to watching gay porn or fantasizing about sex with other men, even if it was only one thought and if he’s never acted on these impulses, he’s automatically labeled as a closeted gay man, or a bisexual in denial. I think it probably doesn’t happen that much with men because nobody wants to be the first one to try it …
As to what experimentation suggests about a person’s sexuality, I’d say not much.
1. Even if this life was never fully lived or truly desired, the shedding of an assumed identity can feel like a profound loss – of expectations, of certain relationship paradigms, or of an imagined future. How would this be different from a dominatrix fetish?
And would you believe their guilt is justified?
Just curious.
:eek: The sense of relief was tremendous. The Evolving Self
Societal narratives typically suggest that sexual identity is decided early and remains constant. Straight men will always answer, “a woman.” Gay men and bi men say either men and/or women or any gender.