Why am i attracted to gay men as a woman
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In these experiments, straight female participants were shown fictitious Facebook profiles depicting either a straight woman, straight man or gay man. We predicted that this would most often occur in highly competitive dating environments, where a trustworthy source like a gay friend would be valued by women jockeying with one another for a boyfriend.
To test this, we created a fake news article that detailed extremely skewed sex ratios, indicating that women in college were competing over a very small pool of men.
Our label mocks the traditional hierarchy of romantic love in a way that pleases me, while also allowing me to never feel the terror and discomfort of trying to figure out what we have. But times have changed—and so has the stereotype.
So I’m nervous to inadvertently fan the flames of scary anti-queer rhetoric. When a straight woman hangs out with a gay man, she begins to put the puzzle together that men, in general, treat sex differently than women do.
Finally, straight women love gay men because they are emotionally attracted to the fearlessness and lack of self-consciousness in gay men.
In other words, it’s not like straight women totally trusted gay men on all matters. An exception.
I found this compelling, and it made me think about sexuality in a fresh way. Even if there’s no sexual relationship, there’s often deep intimacy, protection, and a kind of love that transcends traditional boundaries. Is it accidental? If straight women and gay men focus on finding friendships where there's true emotional compatibility and respect, they can develop one of the most rewarding relationships a person could have.
I'm a Woman Who's Sleeping With a Gay Man (Yes, He's Still Gay)
For the past year, I’ve been having regular sex with a gay man I'll call Oliver.
For example, in a study I conducted in 2013, I found that gay men also look to women for trustworthy dating advice or tips for finding a prospective boyfriend. Is he bisexual now? Sexuality exists on a spectrum, and love doesn’t always follow clear lines. Not only were women more apt to trust gay men under this condition, but we also found that they became more willing to make gay male friends.
Beyond dating advice
The downside is that if a straight woman values her gay male friends only for dating advice, the relationship could become quite superficial (see Chris Riotta’s essay “I’m Gay, Not Your Accessory”).
We had women read this news article and then indicate how much they would trust a straight woman or a gay man in various dating-related scenarios. Presumably the second “really” comes from having seen each other’s genitals. We sleep in the same bed almost every night. Because that, too, is magical. Or at least, the sex part. 🧴
👃 The Smell: Like Heaven in Human Form
Let’s be honest… gay men often smell amazing.
Maybe other people have this arrangement, too? You walk past them and instantly turn your head like a cartoon character following a scent trail. Meanwhile, some straight men think deodorant is optional on weekends. ✨
Compare that to the rugged, beer-stained jeans and yesterday’s T-shirt of a “real man,” and, well… it’s not hard to see who stands out in a crowd.