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It’s an unexpected twist in an already incredible, decades-long career. (Faced with a crowd chanting “YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU!” she eventually obliged.) “Padam Padam” seems to have entered that same gay lexicon, the shorthand many of us use to communicate with each other. In just three and a half minutes, Kylie whacks out a brass section, a booming male chorus and a preposterously brilliant French spoken interlude that could even make Emily blush in Paris. 

In short, it’s a masterpiece, just like the video which features an army of Kylies, every gay man’s dream, including one who is wearing an actual leather beret.

We say this a lot, that a song turned us gay, but with this one banger—not to mention it’s throbbing video—Kylie literally took a scalpel to all the straight parts of our brain, flung them into a furnace, and spent countless hours reconstructing what was left of the neural pathways to make us homosexual in ways hitherto unseen by man.

  • Doctor Who: Voyage Of The Damned (2007), where Kylie played a waitress aboard the starship Titanic, breaking records and icebergs alike with the show’s highest viewing figures since 1979. 
  • “All The Lovers” (2010), where Kylie writhed in rapture atop a pile of people, proving that she is just as gay, if not gayer than most actual gay men.
  • Disco (2020), where Kylie single-handedly lifted everyone’s spirits with this release which also made her the first and only female artist to top the British album chart in each of five consecutive decades.

    Your disco needs you.

    Related

    Padam who? Oh, and it’s not a competition. — might be even better than “Padam Padam,” the song that preceded it.

    • Kylie Minogue’s highly anticipated Tension tour comes to North America from March 29 to May 2 (more info here).

    No, not the final-final episode coming later this year.

    The pop star, who says she 'treasures' her gay following, went on to say that she felt vilified by the media while being embraced by her fans. And what’s most impressive is that she’s always succeeded on her own terms.

    Because Kylie is the most unproblematic of queens.

    As I watched a group of drag queens perform the song, with scantily clad dancers demonstrating their finest twinkography, giant pink balloons were released from the roof. And the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress should have gone to…

  • “Slow” (2003), where Kylie seductively sang “Take it down, down…” and turned us gay in the process.

    If you’re not familair with Neighbours, go check out all 9000+ episodes of this campy delight and finally get to know the longest-running drama in Aussie TV history. Suddenly, my timeline was full of tweets and memes hyping the song, whose title is inspired by the sound of a heart beating hard when you’re making eyes with someone in the club.

    It’s easy to see why “Padam Padam” is Minogue’s biggest hit in years, currently peaking at No.

    12 in the U.K. and looking sure to rise further, and charting in Australia, Germany, and the U.S. as well. It feels self-referential, but also fresh. Can't wait to chat and perform for you very soon!' 

    Wow! With both her self-titled album and the Impossible Princess follow-up, chirpy pop bangers were replaced with a spiky attempt at Brit-pop, trance and even trip-hop.

    Soon, the song will probably become so mainstream that straight people like it too, and gay people will declare it “Over!” and move on to something else.

    I’m also interested in how the rise of “Padam Padam” has played out on social media. It was a lot. Yes, even bigger than the (we promise you it’s real) song “Down Under” by Men At Work, which describes Australia as a place, where beer does flow and men chunder.” One year on, the petit pop princess left Neighbours to pursue her music career full time, but she did return to Ramsay Street one last time for the final episode back in 2022.

    Known for her bottom, but endlessly topping? (Half my Twitter timeline seems to be running an unofficial PR campaign for it.)

    But why is “Padam Padam” a gay anthem? Pictured at the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in 2019 

    'And I wonder if part of that coming together was an understanding of not being accepted for who you are'.

    A definitive ranking of Kylie Minogue’s 10 best lead singles

    With each release, she reminds us that she’s *still* at the top of her game.

    kylie minogue gay